Too Vanilla For You

I'm on a new diet, it's the Solomon Woras plan. Check it out: got back from PIR tonight, drank a protein shake, ate half a bag of popcorn, and now it's 9:20 and I'm about to go to bed. Except Solomon would probably have skipped the protein shake. Pretty soon, instead of being fat and slow, I will be skinny and slow. When's Shannon coming back? In his absence, I've had to find somebody else to emulate, and Solomon's lack of eating isn't nearly as fun as Shannon's near constant inhalation of calories.

Here's my before pic:

Check back in a couple weeks for my after pic.

Peace out.
P2

As a member of the Bike Gallery-Trek/VW presented by Too Vanilla for You team, I've got access to a few performance enhancing "supplements". For example, yesterday Shannon gave me part of his burrito, and then I drank some Stumptown coffee at the shop before going to the Tabor race. I also got a chance to try out a sample of this stuff called Sportlegs. Anybody used this? Supposedly it creates lactic acid in your muscles before you begin to exercise, tricking your body into thinking it doesn't need to produce any more. I was cramping from the first lap, but still almost made it a personal record number of laps (8!) before I dropped out. So I thought it worked pretty well. But then Slaven suggested that Sportlegs might help you skip straight over the leg burning feeling and go straight to the leg cramp stage. That would be not so good.

Anyhow, somebody won the race and somebody finished second. I don't know. You can read about it. In a book.

I also raced PIR on tuesday where I managed to drop one of Dean's teammates out of the break. WTF? I thought they were supposed to be good. But there I was, givin'er in the break, and when I pull off he can't even come through. I guess maybe it was my fault. Maybe you're not supposed to pull off when you're in the middle of the break and you can't hold the wheel in front of you. I guess maybe wait until you're not screwing anybody but yourself. But seriously,if you read this, thanks for not beating me up after the race.

Oh, and per our agreement, I have to trash talk both Molly and Dean. Molly, you're so slow that I could outsprint you. And Dean, you're so slow that Molly could outsprint you.

I'm going to start signing off with my J. Lo name.

Peace out.

E. Ts.

Next week, I'll be defending my Tabor crown by hopping on a plane to Italy for a week of riding and cappuccino. Ping Pong will once again take over the blog while I'm gone. Please direct your complaints toward him.

While I'm gone, Team Bike Gallery-Trek/Volkswagen presented by Kozy Shack will be represented by Corey "should have won the calf-off" Stayton, David "too hairy for you" Garcia, and Yann "my bike is more Discovery Channel than yours" Blindert. Ping Pong will be looking to improve on his 36th placed DNF. Dean Tracy will be looking to show up. And Solomon will be trying to grow a mustache.

Tuscany:

Salami:

Hilarious:

Peace out. I mean ciao. I mean chow.

Check out what happens when you giv'er too hard:



Let this be a lesson to all of you out there. Don't break your leg in two places, ride 10 miles out of the trail, then ride around for a few days and walk around at work before going to the hospital.